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monimoni

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DUMP THREAD

Got some irl frustrations/annoyances/concerns and need some place to vent?? GO RIGHT AHEAD.

No matter how small your annoyance, I'm here for it. Post away.

Before we start, I would just like to remind you all of our forum rules against bashing of Bangtan or any other idol/group. Also, please be respectful of other members and refrain from hateful or bigoted language but you're all well behaved so I trust you'll all be fine <33

Time for some wholesome emotional offloading, post away.

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h8 it when people use words like spaz

and also mental illnesses to describe things when its nothing to do with a mental illness

 

remember u do not know who is using this website nd wht they are goin thru x

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Following this thread and posting just to remind everyone that we are here for you, I am here for you, if you don't feel like saying anything then you don't have to, but if you want to, we are willing to listen and will not judge you at all. This is a safe space. The reason it even exists is because we care <3

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when people keep throwing your past mistakes in your face when you have apologized, reflected and moved on but they get offended when the same thing is done to them. When people say one thing and makes rules that works for them but then changes it for someone else. 

People who hate just to hate and they forget idols/ celebrities are human beings before they start    #[insert person]IsOverParty. People who bash while someone is down but jump on the wagon when the person is doing well. People who stand and watch when injustice is happening because "it has nothing to do with them". 

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I wish people would let me know that I'm wrong or that I've said/done something that could potentially hurt someone's feelings (or something similar) so I can apologize and change my behavior.

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This is a pretty sensitive topic so I hope I don't offend anyone when I speak about it - but the binary between the two genders has always been at the back of my mind bugging me. 

Spoiler

I grew up in a traditional Chinese family, so naturally the behaviour of my siblings and I were regulated constantly by family members who reinforced the notions of being female and male. It was only about 5-6 years ago when I realized that by blindly following these ideals of what it means to be a female and male, that I've held back a lot of how I truly behave and a lot of things that surround my life (e.g. fashion etc.). Sadly, I still hear sentences like "you're a girl, you should not behave like that" from my parents (in fact I talk to my mom a lot about this - asking her why I can't just be myself). This is also probably why a lot of people in my life dislike k-pop because the 'feminization' of male idols is so apparent and different from the traditional male standards. 

Society keeps building this wall that separates males from females which also prevents people from being themselves. I've been a lot more conscious of the way I go about speaking to others (you might see this around the forum, but I use 'they' a lot to avoid assuming genders). I think that we're doing a lot better compared to the past - society has become a bit more accepting, but we could still improve. 

I'm happy to say that I'm a lot better now. I've released the inner beast within me. I dress how I wish to. Act how I wish to. And most importantly be who I am. And you should too. 

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4 minutes ago, -Mochi- said:

I wish people would let me know that I'm wrong or that I've said/done something that could potentially hurt someone's feelings (or something similar) so I can apologize and change my behavior.

Literally same though, why are people so averse to just saying what's up? I want to know that I'm wrong or have hurt you so I can stop doing it. Even if you need to get a bit annoyed at me, if I deserve it, I deserve it. Just let me know geez.

4 minutes ago, Whalien said:

This is a pretty sensitive topic so I hope I don't offend anyone when I speak about it - but the binary between the two genders has always been at the back of my mind bugging me. 

  Hide contents

I grew up in a traditional Chinese family, so naturally the behaviour of my siblings and I were regulated constantly by family members who reinforced the notions of being female and male. It was only about 5-6 years ago when I realized that by blindly following these ideals of what it means to be a female and male, that I've held back a lot of how I truly behave and a lot of things that surround my life (e.g. fashion etc.). Sadly, I still hear sentences like "you're a girl, you should not behave like that" from my parents (in fact I talk to my mom a lot about this - asking her why I can't just be myself). This is also probably why a lot of people in my life dislike k-pop because the 'feminization' of male idols is so apparent and different from the traditional male standards. 

Society keeps building this wall that separates males from females which also prevents people from being themselves. I've been a lot more conscious of the way I go about speaking to others (you might see this around the forum, but I use 'they' a lot to avoid assuming genders). I think that we're doing a lot better compared to the past - society has become a bit more accepting, but we could still improve. 

I'm happy to say that I'm a lot better now. I've released the inner beast within me. I dress how I wish to. Act how I wish to. And most importantly be who I am. And you should too. 

wah thank you for writing this I always think it's cool talking about this stuff. As part of my degree, I've taken some classes where we talked about sex and gender and the interaction between biology and society etc so I have a bunch of thoughts about this. There's some cool anthropology theories you might be interested in, hit my inbox up if so.

If there's one thing I've learnt, though, it's that there is literally no such thing as a binary. Not even in biology. It's hard to pin down even biological sex into two distinct categories and there are always gonna be some people who fit outside of that definition. Also, gender is made up, live your life.

I'm glad you've worked through this stuff yourself and are in a better place. It's really fulfilling when you reach that understanding of yourself and start living it. Wishing you best.

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4 minutes ago, monimoni said:

wah thank you for writing this I always think it's cool talking about this stuff. As part of my degree, I've taken some classes where we talked about sex and gender and the interaction between biology and society etc so I have a bunch of thoughts about this. There's some cool anthropology theories you might be interested in, hit my inbox up if so.

If there's one thing I've learnt, though, it's that there is literally no such thing as a binary. Not even in biology. It's hard to pin down even biological sex into two distinct categories and there are always gonna be some people who fit outside of that definition. Also, gender is made up, live your life.

I'm glad you've worked through this stuff yourself and are in a better place. It's really fulfilling when you reach that understanding of yourself and start living it. Wishing you best.

Phew, I'm glad that someone enjoyed my babble, haha. I was so worried about posting this, since gender and sexuality are super sensitive topics to touch upon. Although I'm majoring in health sciences, but sociology and psychology has always been an interest of mine so I've taken multiple courses on topics like those. Society is really odd in a sense that it likes to categorize and label people. From this society decides what's normative and kind of stigmatize the 'deviants' for not fitting within those categories which is absolutely ridiculous. 

ANYWAYS, LOL okay I've talked enough and should go do something productive for once. Peace. 

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I literally cannot understand why people get so offended by the life choices/behaviors/indentity of other people when it absolutely does not affect them in any way. This has baffled me my whole life.

Also people who expend so much energy on things they hate. Spending hours trying to dig up bad info so they can trash them, etc. This is the weirdest phenomenon I have personally witnessed, and it happens so frequently.

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3 hours ago, -Mochi- said:

I wish people would let me know that I'm wrong or that I've said/done something that could potentially hurt someone's feelings (or something similar) so I can apologize and change my behavior.

I have to agree. There's being sensitive to someone's feelings, and there's also plain not caring about them enough. It's a fine line. I'd rather know exactly what's up rather than wonder if I'm doing something wrong and pushing people away. Silence is a very strong enemy. (If you say something that offends me I will be the first to notify you, but I think from our past conversations it's been established that you should never stop writing me anything anyway. Let it all out if you need to.)

3 hours ago, Whalien said:

This is a pretty sensitive topic so I hope I don't offend anyone when I speak about it - but the binary between the two genders has always been at the back of my mind bugging me. 

  Hide contents

I grew up in a traditional Chinese family, so naturally the behaviour of my siblings and I were regulated constantly by family members who reinforced the notions of being female and male. It was only about 5-6 years ago when I realized that by blindly following these ideals of what it means to be a female and male, that I've held back a lot of how I truly behave and a lot of things that surround my life (e.g. fashion etc.). Sadly, I still hear sentences like "you're a girl, you should not behave like that" from my parents (in fact I talk to my mom a lot about this - asking her why I can't just be myself). This is also probably why a lot of people in my life dislike k-pop because the 'feminization' of male idols is so apparent and different from the traditional male standards. 

Society keeps building this wall that separates males from females which also prevents people from being themselves. I've been a lot more conscious of the way I go about speaking to others (you might see this around the forum, but I use 'they' a lot to avoid assuming genders). I think that we're doing a lot better compared to the past - society has become a bit more accepting, but we could still improve. 

I'm happy to say that I'm a lot better now. I've released the inner beast within me. I dress how I wish to. Act how I wish to. And most importantly be who I am. And you should too. 

I can't offer understanding to the degree that Kate with, but I still have to say that I'm glad that you're happier now, being yourself. For some reason people have become so against the idea of something being different from what they grew up with, anything at all that challenges all they've ever known. Gender's become such a sensitive topic, and while I can't say it's right, I do sort of get the whys and hows. Still don't agree, though.

So I'm really, really happy for you that you've found your peace. And it's something I wish for a whole lot of other people, too.

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4 hours ago, Whalien said:
4 hours ago, monimoni said:
4 hours ago, Whalien said:

This is a pretty sensitive topic so I hope I don't offend anyone when I speak about it - but the binary between the two genders has always been at the back of my mind bugging me. 

  Reveal hidden contents

I grew up in a traditional Chinese family, so naturally the behaviour of my siblings and I were regulated constantly by family members who reinforced the notions of being female and male. It was only about 5-6 years ago when I realized that by blindly following these ideals of what it means to be a female and male, that I've held back a lot of how I truly behave and a lot of things that surround my life (e.g. fashion etc.). Sadly, I still hear sentences like "you're a girl, you should not behave like that" from my parents (in fact I talk to my mom a lot about this - asking her why I can't just be myself). This is also probably why a lot of people in my life dislike k-pop because the 'feminization' of male idols is so apparent and different from the traditional male standards. 

Society keeps building this wall that separates males from females which also prevents people from being themselves. I've been a lot more conscious of the way I go about speaking to others (you might see this around the forum, but I use 'they' a lot to avoid assuming genders). I think that we're doing a lot better compared to the past - society has become a bit more accepting, but we could still improve. 

I'm happy to say that I'm a lot better now. I've released the inner beast within me. I dress how I wish to. Act how I wish to. And most importantly be who I am. And you should too. 

wah thank you for writing this I always think it's cool talking about this stuff. As part of my degree, I've taken some classes where we talked about sex and gender and the interaction between biology and society etc so I have a bunch of thoughts about this. There's some cool anthropology theories you might be interested in, hit my inbox up if so.

If there's one thing I've learnt, though, it's that there is literally no such thing as a binary. Not even in biology. It's hard to pin down even biological sex into two distinct categories and there are always gonna be some people who fit outside of that definition. Also, gender is made up, live your life.

I'm glad you've worked through this stuff yourself and are in a better place. It's really fulfilling when you reach that understanding of yourself and start living it. Wishing you best.

Phew, I'm glad that someone enjoyed my babble, haha. I was so worried about posting this, since gender and sexuality are super sensitive topics to touch upon. Although I'm majoring in health sciences, but sociology and psychology has always been an interest of mine so I've taken multiple courses on topics like those. Society is really odd in a sense that it likes to categorize and label people. From this society decides what's normative and kind of stigmatize the 'deviants' for not fitting within those categories which is absolutely ridiculous. 

ANYWAYS, LOL okay I've talked enough and should go do something productive for once. Peace. 

I just want to say that I agree with both of you. Especially with the bold parts. And once again @Whalien thank you for sharing your thoughts about it. I tend to think about it too because as much as my parents support me in everything I do, I often had difficult times with other people who used to judge me without even knowing me. I've always hated the fact that society have some kind of labels/standarts for everything and if you don't fit into it... well, suddenly there's something wrong with you. So, I'm really glad you're better now and I wish you happiness. 

 

4 hours ago, monimoni said:

Literally same though, why are people so averse to just saying what's up? I want to know that I'm wrong or have hurt you so I can stop doing it. Even if you need to get a bit annoyed at me, if I deserve it, I deserve it. Just let me know geez.

 

49 minutes ago, KookieMochi said:

I have to agree. There's being sensitive to someone's feelings, and there's also plain not caring about them enough. It's a fine line. I'd rather know exactly what's up rather than wonder if I'm doing something wrong and pushing people away. Silence is a very strong enemy. (If you say something that offends me I will be the first to notify you, but I think from our past conversations it's been established that you should never stop writing me anything anyway. Let it all out if you need to.)

Yup, exactly. I know that some people might be afraid or something (ha, I can't say it better, I'm sorry) especially if let's say they have some kind anxiety disorder but I want people to feel comfortable around me and usually after getting to know someone better I always say that they can tell me whatever they want without worrying that I could get get mad at them or something. And even if we don't know each other and you see me saying something that could be considered as problematic - hit me up. @KookieMochi thank you for showing me so much support.

It's just something that's been bugging me a lot lately and I had to say it somewhere and I'm thankful that @monimoni decided to create this kind of thread when I needed it. What a coincidence. 

Also, I apologize if I said something weird.

Edited by -Mochi-
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3 minutes ago, -Mochi- said:

Also, I apologize if I said something weird.

Never apologize for talking about something that is important to you. This thread was created because we wanted to listen. We want this to be a safe space. It was in thoughts of helping people like you that Kate even finally found a reason to write the OP in the first place. You are important, your words are important, don't ever say sorry unless you don't mean something.

Edited by KookieMochi
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1 hour ago, Maphisto40 said:

 

Also people who expend so much energy on things they hate. Spending hours trying to dig up bad info so they can trash them, etc. This is the weirdest phenomenon I have personally witnessed, and it happens so frequently.

They don't really hate it,  they are threatened by it. If you really hate something you avoid it. I hate ketchup, so I stay as far away from it as I can. I hate racists so I do the same. If something has become an avoidable threat, You try to eliminate it. Nobody spends time on something they hate but has little affect on their life and peace of mind  That's how I see it. And the pathetic thing is that they don't admit to it when it is so obvious 

Edited by Ultimate
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1 minute ago, Ultimate said:

They don't really hate it,  they are threatened by it. If you really hate something you avoid it. I hate ketchup, so I stay as far away from it as I can. I hate racists so I do the same. If you something has become an avoidable threat  You try to eliminate it. Nobody spends time on something they hate but has little affect on their life and peace of mind  That's how I see it. And the pathetic thing is that they don't admit to it when it is so obvious 

I understand what you mean. This mentality makes even less sense when we talk about people doing this "for" their favorite singer/actor/etc. Like, their success has nothing to do with you personally, why are you making your life about it? It's so unhealthy.

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I wish people would be more considerate. Just a simple thank you can go along way. There is a story with this, one I debated about sharing but I will under a spoiler.

Spoiler

My Mom is severly disabled, so I take care of her. I don't mind, she's my Mom after all but not once do I get a thank you. Usually I just get yelled at for helping. I know she is dealing with a lot, so I never complain or say anything about it but it gets tiring and it can be hurtful. There is no gratitude, just yelling and anger directed at me most of the time. It's made things stressful, my time online is usually my escape. I still use it to keep busy, now I even am doing a new website design again which is nice. I'd still love just one thank you, just once. Nothing more.

 

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15 minutes ago, Maphisto40 said:

I understand what you mean. This mentality makes even less sense when we talk about people doing this "for" their favorite singer/actor/etc. Like, their success has nothing to do with you personally, why are you making your life about it? It's so unhealthy.

Low key think it's a way for people to assert their dominance over others vicariously through their favorite artist. I notice that people sometimes associate themselves with their group like "how much did we sell today?" or "do you think we can win?" I mean that in itself is nothing but people do start to associate themselves to their group as one and people may start to feel personally involved- "if they loose, I loose" mentality.  And if your drive to be  number one is obsessive enough..

But that sounds like some psychological stuff so let me stop lmao.

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12 minutes ago, Rinoa said:

 

  Hide contents

My Mom is severly disabled, so I take care of her. I don't mind, she's my Mom after all but not once do I get a thank you. Usually I just get yelled at for helping. I know she is dealing with a lot, so I never complain or say anything about it but it gets tiring and it can be hurtful. There is no gratitude, just yelling and anger directed at me most of the time. It's made things stressful, my time online is usually my escape. I still use it to keep busy, now I even am doing a new website design again which is nice. I'd still love just one thank you, just once. Nothing more.

 

 You should try talking to her about it. I know you don't want to seem like you are complaining but also you don't want to have a strained relationship with her and even though she is going through a lot (I am really sorry about that) she is still your mother and should give a little consideration for you especially if you are trying your best to help.

Edited by Ultimate
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when people finally give you the feeling you have a friend and are being so nice to you that you feel so safe to open up to them but like a month later use everything you told them against you, and acting all innocent about it.

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18 minutes ago, fuckparkjimin said:

when people finally give you the feeling you have a friend and are being so nice to you that you feel so safe to open up to them but like a month later use everything you told them against you, and acting all innocent about it.

reason n°1 i never open up with anyone.

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1 minute ago, suga's baby face said:

reason n°1 i never open up with anyone.

i never learn. no matter how many times it happened i keep falling for it like a dumbass.

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