Mutant Salt

Hello there!  I've been ARMY since 2021? I'm honestly not sure when I fell down the rabbit hole, but I'm so glad I did!  BTS is the bomb!!! I love these seven young men and their fans- such a warm, welcoming group.  I'm very happy to be here.  I've still yet to deep dive into their lyrics and stories behind/within the music videos, but I'll catch up one day.  Promise.  Like many others, I came across BTS at a moment in my life when I really needed to hear their message. At the time of writing this in June 2024, I am 51 years young, or as I like to say 30 with 21 yrs experience! Ha.

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The following is a lengthy explanation of my mental health at the time when I came across BTS.  

2020

COVID-19 hit early in February of this year.  In March, my work went to 100% work-from-home.  At this time, there were three of us in my department at work, which I was the manager of.  In May, a coworker went out for major surgery and would be out until early August.  At this time, I had an MRI on my head and neck due to chronic migraine that came back with nodes on my thyroids and a "lump in my aortic area".  It took over a month before I could get a chest CT scan and see a cardiothoracic surgeon.  He told me my thymus gland enlarged during puberty instead of shrinking like it's supposed to.  The recommendation is to have it removed because as time goes on, the gland tends to attach to ribs and become bone cancer or lungs and become lung cancer.   I had to delay the surgery until October 2020 to ensure my coworker had returned to work before I could go out on medical leave.  This was my first major surgery and a friend dropped me off at the hospital in Boston and i had to go in alone.  It went well and I was home the next day.  Recuperating at home was easy and after four weeks I returned to work- only to find out I was now reporting to someone new.  Instead of the CEO, I was reporting to a new VP.  Okay......turns out nobody knew the CEO hired him- it was a surprise to the other C-level executives. (Note, I was not C-level.)

2021

Work continued to be crazy for me.  Mid-year, the new VP was fired under some controversy and I found myself reporting to the CEO again.  During this year, my father's health started going downhill.  He was having a hard time walking.

2022

In April, I woke up one morning and just couldn't get myself out of bed.  I dreaded work that much.  Burnout is real.  It's a mixture of depression, anxiety, mental fatigue and physical exhaustion.  I called out sick and then made calls to find a therapist.  That summer, my mother had medical issues and was scheduled for a quick surgery to fix a bladder problem.  Surgery was cancelled when the anesthesiologist saw her cardiogram.  She was prepped and ready in the hospital and they called it off.  

She went to see a cardiologist and did some tests.  She had a faulty heart valve that needed replacing.  The doctor said he'd do it by going up a vein in her leg.  He sent her for a few more tests before surgery and called us back into his office.  Well, turns out she didn't have enough blood flow to her heart and needed a double by-pass in addition to the heart valve.  This changed things drastically, as she now needed open heart surgery.  It was scheduled to late October.

At this point, I had enough of work and decided to give my notice.  After fourteen years, it was time to move on.  I would use some downtime to help take care of my mother post-surgery and take care of my father, who at this point, needed 24/7 care.  This was a very difficult and stressful time for me.  As my therapist said, out of the frying pan and into the fire.

2023

In late January, my father had been admitted to a long-term care (LTC) facility with Covid-19.  He would be admitted permanently in February because my mother couldn't physically take care of him anymore.  She herself was having memory issues after her open-heart surgery.  It's a very common effect for elderly after such a long time under anesthesia.

I began working in February in a temporary job.  I found a permanent position that started at the beginning of June.  

Mid-summer, my mother was having medical issues again.  She went to see a doctor who ran tests and they sent her to an oncologist.  After some more tests, he decided she needed 90% of her liver removed (and 100% of spleen).  [Fun fact:  The spleen gets blood flow ONLY through the liver, so if that is removed, the spleen goes with it.] Surgery was schedules for - you guessed it - late October.  Within a year, she was facing a second major operation.

After her liver was biopsied, the oncologist said they found one tiny spec of malignant cancer and he recommended a round of preventative chemotherapy.  That started the day before Thanksgiving- biweekly rounds that would run through May 2024.  The chemo was very hard on my mother's body, which had just gone through a second major operation with no real time to thoroughly heal. 

In early December, my father was rushed to the hospital from the LTC facility.  The doctors told us he had a gut infection affecting his stomach lining and because of his very many health issues, it was inoperable.  He was put under hospice care and the following week, he was returned to the LTC facility.

The following Monday, Dec 4th, I gave my notice at work.  I had been falling behind due to medical appointments and the stress with everything going on and I really couldn't justify staying and struggling through it.

About a week before Thanksgiving, my mother ended up in the hospital with colitis- a result of the chemo.  She remained in there over Christmas and came home just before New Year's.  

2024

In January, once my mother went back to see her oncologist, he decided to reduce a couple of the chemo meds because it had caused the colitis and she resumed chemo treatments.

At the beginning of April, my mother was severely weak again.  Before every chemo treatment, she saw the oncologist or his PA, and the PA at this time decided to give my mother a two-week pause in treatments after speaking with us.    

On Sunday April 14th, my father passed away.  It was a sad time, but honestly, we were glad he wasn't suffering anymore. 

On Wednesday April 17th, my mother went back to the oncologist to see about resuming her treatments.  He said she had completed 8 rounds and with no cancer showing up in her bloodwork or on her latest CT scan, he thought it best to stop them.  We both agreed, as her body just couldn't do it anymore.  The plan was to do tests every quarter, starting in late June, to make sure she was still cancer-free.

In May, I started looking for work.  That's where I'm at today in mid-June.  Still looking, sending out my resume, going to interviews.  My mother is much stronger- eating well and back to driving herself around.  Yay!  BTS and ARMY have been with me throughout all of this.  You both make me laugh, cry and sing.  Borahae!